For a child to
experience the divorce of their parents can be stressful regardless of their
age. They are not prepared mentally and many times do not receive the support
to help deal with it. As an example when there is a death in the family they
would receive more support than when there is a divorce.
For the most part the
children do not know a divorce is coming until the parents tell them. When they
get the news the child may go into a period of grieving and feel unsure what
their future will be like. There will be a feeling of anger and will miss the
parent that does not have parental control over them.
Depending on the child’s
age they may handle the divorce differently. Following are some things that may
be expected.
1. When the children are
between 3 and 5 they could have trouble sleeping because they are worried.
Mentally they may take a step back and they may experience grief because they
miss the parent that is missing.
2. Between the ages of 6
and 10 the child may grief openly for the missing parent. It can be common for
them to fantasize about the family coming back together again. They do not
believe at this point that the divorce could be permanent.
3. Children between 12
and 18 will sometimes be depressed after the divorce. There could also be anger
or in extreme cases suicide. They will be worried about how their future
relationships will be with their parents as time goes on.
Sometimes when the
mother has custody of the children she can show some levels of anger. She may
even lower her expectations of the children’s behavior. She may also put her
needs above the children.
In order to maintain a
good relationship the mother must make sure she is connected to them from the
start. If the mother does not take responsibility the children could be left
with being too responsible for their own actions. This can lead to some social
behavior issues down the road.
These are especially
important before the mother starts a new relationship.
For the sake of the
children it is very important to be there for them so they can deal with their
anxieties. It is going to take them some time to learn to be without both
parents and they will need support during these times.
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