If you are a woman that is the
victim of a cheating husband, you may find yourself trying to make comparisons
to the “other” woman. This can be normal so do not think doing it is wrong. You
could be running it through your mind constantly comparing yourself to her,
wondering if she is better looking than you and so forth. The bad news about
this is you will drive yourself crazy with all the negative thinking and this
will make being able to survive your husbands affair more difficult.
You already have a lot of
uncertainty about your situation and these negative thoughts are adding fuel to
the fire. Having some self doubt about yourself would be normal under there
circumstances, but unfortunately will put you in a precarious position as you
start to make judgment calls and give out punishment to your husband and the
other woman.
You now have to deal with the loss
of trust in your marriage after the affair was discovered. For whatever reasons
your husband has chosen to go outside your marriage and this ruined not only
your self-esteem but how you think you appear to your peers. Everything you took for granted is
now questioned by you because you now have a lack of trust.
What you can do to get back your
self-esteem is put the other woman at a level below you. This should be easy
for you because she did the cheating with your husband, how could she be above
you? You must think this way and take control of your emotional life. You can make up your own image of
what she looks like. Make her the worst looking woman you want her to be.
Now put
yourself above her in every respect and make a list of all the outstanding
qualities that you possess. Put these on paper so you can keep referring back
to them to boost your moral and remind yourself of whom you are. This way you
are reinforcing your self-esteem.