Working Together as a Couple After An Affair

If you have been the victim of a cheating spouse and are willing to save your relationship, you are going to need your spouse to work with you in making it a success. With the two of you together you can make it work.

When you first found out your spouse was cheating on you your emotions were and still may be in turmoil. You were filled with negative thoughts, jealousy, hopelessness and of course there was the anger.

One of those emotions you have experienced will be the one to follow you into the future. Even when trying to put your relationship back together it will still be there. Unfortunately this one emotion can be the one to undo all the work you and your spouse have done to rebuild your relationship.

The One Emotion That Stays With You

This one emotion is anger and oddly enough is one thing you must try to avoid. What is anger and how can it continue to haunt you.

Anger is a natural reaction when you learn your spouse has been cheating on you. It is in fact the twin of the feelings of betrayal. Feelings of anger can be intense and this is normal, you may even have feelings of revenge but that will solve nothing so that is not recommended.

Your anger may be present for some time into the future and it may strike you at odd times. Like when you have reached a point that you think things have finally worked out between you and your spouse. It will surprise you but these feelings of anger are natural but they will subside as time goes on. Just realize that the anger will be with you for a while.

Right after the affair you will want to blow up at your spouse. You may want them to see the pain you are experiencing or punish them for cheating on you. This would be a very normal reaction on your part.

Controlling Your Emotions After An Affair

It is the possibility of having an angry outburst that you must do your best to avoid. An outburst can do more harm to your situation than good if you want to fix your relationship. If you do lash out in anger you will feel bad about it later, you do not want to feel worse than you do now.

Here are a couple tips that you should employ to help avoid those angry outbursts.

1. Understand the difference between the feeling of anger as opposed to taking action on those feelings. When you feel angry that is all it is, just an emotional feeling. When you lash out at someone in anger, that is carried out by your choice. You let the anger allow the outburst to happen.

2. The feelings of anger can show up unexpectedly. You need a plan for what you can do when that anger shows up so you do not have an outburst.  If this happens while talking to your spouse your best bet is to take a time out so you can collect yourself. Explain to them you need a few minutes to collect yourself and are willing to continue the conversation later. Try some deep breaths and let your heart rate calm down.

The bottom line is you will have the most difficult time getting past the anger but it will subside over time. While trying to get your relationship back together do your best to keep the anger from turning into an outburst which can make your situation worse.