Working Together as a Couple After An Affair

If you have been the victim of a cheating spouse and are willing to save your relationship, you are going to need your spouse to work with you in making it a success. With the two of you together you can make it work.

When you first found out your spouse was cheating on you your emotions were and still may be in turmoil. You were filled with negative thoughts, jealousy, hopelessness and of course there was the anger.

One of those emotions you have experienced will be the one to follow you into the future. Even when trying to put your relationship back together it will still be there. Unfortunately this one emotion can be the one to undo all the work you and your spouse have done to rebuild your relationship.

The One Emotion That Stays With You

This one emotion is anger and oddly enough is one thing you must try to avoid. What is anger and how can it continue to haunt you.

Anger is a natural reaction when you learn your spouse has been cheating on you. It is in fact the twin of the feelings of betrayal. Feelings of anger can be intense and this is normal, you may even have feelings of revenge but that will solve nothing so that is not recommended.

Your anger may be present for some time into the future and it may strike you at odd times. Like when you have reached a point that you think things have finally worked out between you and your spouse. It will surprise you but these feelings of anger are natural but they will subside as time goes on. Just realize that the anger will be with you for a while.

Right after the affair you will want to blow up at your spouse. You may want them to see the pain you are experiencing or punish them for cheating on you. This would be a very normal reaction on your part.

Controlling Your Emotions After An Affair

It is the possibility of having an angry outburst that you must do your best to avoid. An outburst can do more harm to your situation than good if you want to fix your relationship. If you do lash out in anger you will feel bad about it later, you do not want to feel worse than you do now.

Here are a couple tips that you should employ to help avoid those angry outbursts.

1. Understand the difference between the feeling of anger as opposed to taking action on those feelings. When you feel angry that is all it is, just an emotional feeling. When you lash out at someone in anger, that is carried out by your choice. You let the anger allow the outburst to happen.

2. The feelings of anger can show up unexpectedly. You need a plan for what you can do when that anger shows up so you do not have an outburst.  If this happens while talking to your spouse your best bet is to take a time out so you can collect yourself. Explain to them you need a few minutes to collect yourself and are willing to continue the conversation later. Try some deep breaths and let your heart rate calm down.

The bottom line is you will have the most difficult time getting past the anger but it will subside over time. While trying to get your relationship back together do your best to keep the anger from turning into an outburst which can make your situation worse.

                                                                                               

Improving Your Communication Skills After The Affair

Being able to communicate effectively as a couple after experiencing an affair can go way beyond the words you and your spouse can say to each other. Most people think of communication as spoken words only, but it is much more than that. There are different ways we can communicate with each other that can be called nonverbal cues. When we as people communicate in ways other than speaking - the other person may not realize the message you are delivering.

Nonverbal communication can be such things as your body language and things like touching, flirting, actions, sharing your space and making eye contact. Finally there is showing value of others needs by way of doing things for them.

A scenario of this could be when you are running late to meet your spouse of even getting home from work. Two ways you could communicate with them to let them know this is calling them or not calling them at all. The first is obviously a verbal communication and the second is nonverbal. Not calling is telling your spouse that you don't want to share this information so you do not worry or even wonder about where you are.

A lot is said by that nonverbal message. It can be taken as not caring enough about your spouse’s needs or interests. It could be that there is really nothing going on and the spouse just forgot to call, sometimes this can happen. Unfortunately this message can be taken as unfavorable and trouble can follow between the couple.

With this message in mind, work on your nonverbal cues to make a positive impact to your relationship and bring you and your spouse closer together.

Infidelity - Are Women Catching up With Men?

When it comes to infidelity, which cheats the most? Is it the men or women? There have been studies that show (most likely correct) that men will cheat on their spouse more than women. Now apparently the gap is closing between men and women as women are catching up. The question is what could be causing this increase among women? Could it just be it has become more culturally acceptable to do so? Whatever the reason may be it appears this phenomenon could be real.

From an article from FoxNews.com
About 17 percent of divorces are caused by infidelity! That's an amazing number, considering there are so many other reasons for divorce ...

About 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their wives! Another study found that 2/3 of women are not aware of their husband's affair. I can relate to that - It took a long time until I found out myself — when I decided to check his phone.

What about the women? Most statistics found that about 50 to 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair. This one really shocked me. Are there really millions of cheating women in the states? I never even imagined these statistics.

You would hope before a couple wed they have thought out their future together to make sure they will be compatible into the far future.

Check out this article from “The Wall Street Journal” that covers this topic.
Some 60 years ago, Alfred Kinsey delivered a shock to midcentury sexual sensibilities when he reported that at some point in their marriages, half of the men and a quarter of the women in the U.S. had an extramarital affair. No one puts much stock in Dr. Kinsey's high numbers any more—his sampling methods suffered from a raging case of selection bias—but his results fit the long-standing assumption that men are much more likely to cheat than women.

Lately, however, researchers have been raising doubts about this view: They believe that the incidence of unfaithfulness among wives may be approaching that of husbands. continue to article

Caught In The Act - Is The Affair Completely Over?

It’s unfortunate that after discovering a spouse’s affaire the offender still does not break off the relationship. What they may be doing is keeping the door of opportunity open for them in case they feel they must cheat again. For the one being cheated on this can leave you feeling powerless to do anything for your situation.

After already being devastated by the news your spouse has cheated on you, now you have to discover if it is possible to end your spouse’s affair for good. You must understand that you will have the strength to get your spouse to break off all contact with the other person if you pursue it.

What is it you can do to assure your spouse has ended their affair? In reality it is your spouse’s responsibility to end the affair so does not try calling the other person. They will not listen to you if you tell them to stay away. This is a job only your spouse can do. Y

Your spouse must understand that if the two of you wish to save your marriage then their interest in the other person must end for good. Also consider this – if the person that your spouse cheated on were to suddenly die, would they still cheat on you with someone else? Before you can save your marriage this kind of behavior must be changed.

You might be in a state of shock because of the powerless feeling you have now. Your spouse can effectively end their affair now or continue on with it. Or they could leave you or join you in saving your relationship. This must be a terrible state to be in not knowing which way things will go.

When you found out about the affair were you angry? If yes that is a good thing. You have a good sense of what is right and wrong by the way your spouse has treated you, you could have reacted without anger, just resignation.

It may be hard to accept, but your spouse is probably confused know as well. They did not expect to get caught while living out their fantasy while cheating on you. They may have thought the affair was the perfect relationship and now the dream has been shattered. They must decide what the right thing to do is and that choice should be with you and your marriage.

Children and Divorce - How Will The Kids Handle It

When a couple with children divorce, there are issues that the children will have to deal with. Check out this article for some info on how children might react to their parent’s divorce.

For a child to experience the divorce of their parents can be stressful regardless of their age. They are not prepared mentally and many times do not receive the support to help deal with it. As an example when there is a death in the family they would receive more support than when there is a divorce.

For the most part the children do not know a divorce is coming until the parents tell them. When they get the news the child may go into a period of grieving and feel unsure what their future will be like. There will be a feeling of anger and will miss the parent that does not have parental control over them.

Depending on the child’s age they may handle the divorce differently. Following are some things that may be expected.

1. When the children are between 3 and 5 they could have trouble sleeping because they are worried. Mentally they may take a step back and they may experience grief because they miss the parent that is missing.

2. Between the ages of 6 and 10 the child may grief openly for the missing parent. It can be common for them to fantasize about the family coming back together again. They do not believe at this point that the divorce could be permanent.

3. Children between 12 and 18 will sometimes be depressed after the divorce. There could also be anger or in extreme cases suicide. They will be worried about how their future relationships will be with their parents as time goes on.

Sometimes when the mother has custody of the children she can show some levels of anger. She may even lower her expectations of the children’s behavior. She may also put her needs above the children.

In order to maintain a good relationship the mother must make sure she is connected to them from the start. If the mother does not take responsibility the children could be left with being too responsible for their own actions. This can lead to some social behavior issues down the road.

These are especially important before the mother starts a new relationship.

For the sake of the children it is very important to be there for them so they can deal with their anxieties. It is going to take them some time to learn to be without both parents and they will need support during these times.

4 Reasons Someone Might Cheat On Their Spouse

Infidelity in marriages happens and it can be a very stressful time for not only the person that was cheated on but the one that did the cheating when they realize what their actions have done. Many couples consider their marriage over after an affair happens but when they take the time and calm down and think it over; they realize that they may be able to save it.

At least making the effort to save the marriage is a good step if both of the couple agrees on it. It would be difficult for only one to try to save things with no cooperation from the other. Having said all of that, why did your marriage suffer from an affair? Was it the husband or the wife that got caught cheating?

Infidelity in marriages is believed to take place in about one third of marriages. The reasons for someone cheating on their spouse can happen for many reasons, usually depending on a particular couple’s situation. Below you will find four reasons out of many that someone might cheat on their spouse.

1. Sometimes a person may only want to get revenge on their spouse for some reason. They could use having an affair as a means of achieving their goal. What if you found out that your spouse was cheating on you. Would you cheat on them to get even? This behavior does happen in marriages and the end results are not good. It is almost impossible to fix a marriage after this type of revenge so the marriage is probably over.

2. Sometimes after getting married a person may realize that married life is not for them. They are not ready for the commitment and miss the freedom they had when they were single. When they have an affair they feel like they are in control of their life and this takes care of the restlessness they may feel.

3. There are some that are just risk takers or thrill seekers. They will have an affair just to satisfy the need for taking a chance with something and getting away with it. Having an affair is not the main issue with them, it’s the act of doing something risky and not getting caught that is important.

4. Lastly is the stress of one’s life. Daily stress can catch up to you and some will turn to having an affair to help relieve this stress. One way to avoid this issue is for a couple to pay attention to each others needs and emotions. Communication is very important to the success of all marriages, take the time to talk to and know your spouse so you can help them when they are having low points in their lives.

Do You Love Your Spouse - Why Have An Affair

We try hard to make our relationships work but they can be unpredictable at times. We do not have the ability to read our partners mind or understand what their true feelings may be. This can leave us trying our best to get along together the best we can.

Because of that we must learn to pay more attention to how we interact together. You must put in the time and be dedicated to make your relationship work. Understanding them and getting to know them is one of the important aspects of a relationship. But what do you do as time goes by and you find you are not as interested in your partner as you thought you would be.

You may find they do not meet your needs and wants like you had hoped. By the time you realize this you may have been in your marriage for some time. You may still be in love with them and do not want to hurt them but unfortunately this is where an affair can happen.

You want your partner but there is more you desire so you find yourself looking for someone else that might meet your needs. You do not want to hurt your spouse but the urge for something more becomes more powerful. Regardless of your thoughts, you are still causing harm to your spouse and your marriage.

Your inability to control your urge to wander will leave your partner with emotional pain caused by your betrayal. Having control is the key. Decide if you truly love your spouse, if the answer is yes you must learn to control those urges.

If you decide you are not in love with your spouse like you once were, staying with them out of guilt may not be good. In the long run staying with them may be a mistake because a person could hang on to their marriage and have a secret relationship on the side.

This itself will cause more pain by having this affair than coming right out and ending the relationship. Being honest and respectful are important attributes of a good relationship and when you have an affair behind some ones back you have violated these.

If you have decided that you are no longer in love with your spouse anymore be honest with them and end the relationship if that is what is decided. It’s unfortunate that a relationship or marriage may come to an end but that may be best instead of prolonging the inevitable.

When you are in an affair it is the most harmful thing that will destroy a marriage. If you still love your spouse an affair would be the wrong choice to make. Make the right decisions and respect your partner and give your marriage a chance.